The road to recovery hasn’t been smooth sailing and I’m for sure not completely there yet but in my opinion I’m doing a pretty good job so far. After all, nobody said recovery was ever going to be easy.
Recovery is a strange feeling and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. One minute you can feel every emotion under the sun, you can be overwhelmed by every little thing, big or small but the next, nothing. You feel nothing at all. You can get angry, worked up, annoyed at situations but again, next minute, nothing. You have many days where you feel as if you are getting no where, you feel stuck and relapse a little. This is completely normal and in order to move on, you have to have setbacks and down days. From experience let me tell you, it does get easier. The days stop merging together and the good days definitely begin to stand out from the rest. You learn how to cope with the bad days and how you find it best to deal with them. You learn what works for you and what doesn’t. I’m not saying every day is going to be complete sunshine but you definitely learn to make the most of the positive days and they do begin to out weigh the bad ones remembering that everyday is a new chance to feel well.
Feeling like you’re going to be stuck a certain way forever is hard. You feel as if this is it, life isn’t going to change, things aren’t going to improve and you slowly begin to accept that this could well be it. I have had many times where I’ve thought that how I used to be and feel was how I would feel forever. I felt stuck in a bubble with no way out.
Recovery is a personal thing. Each case of recovery is unique, it is tailored to an individual and it is important to remember this whilst recovering. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, you focus on however much time you need. Although others may be going through what seems the same or a similar situation, or they may have been diagnosed with the same outcome, still, every story is different, every person is different and time doesn’t matter.
Learning to accept what is going on rather than brushing over it is important. I hated accepting what was going on in my life at first. I didn’t understand why it was happening and all I asked myself was ‘Why me?’ but one thing that has happened because of all of this is I am stronger and you can be stronger too. I have grown as an individual and I have grown up a lot quicker than most. Everyday, my journey grows more and new chapters are added to my story and it isn’t until I look back that I realise how far I have already come and again you can do the same. Take time to look at old photographs, re-cap over old memories and be aware of all of the milestones you have overcome whilst recovering – I guarantee there are a lot more than you think.
It’s taken a while but I am proud of where I am now, I am proud of how far I have come and you should be proud too.
Remember, everything is better one step at a time …
Love Vicky x