It is May, it’s a new month and it’s a new chance to feel well.
So the truth is, I haven’t been anywhere.
When I first started to blog, I always told myself I would let it come naturally. I had never done any writing like this before and I started to blog as a way of not only getting a lot of things out of my system but also to put my story out there, raise awareness and allow other people to understand what it is I have been through as well as what other people go through.
Over the past few months, although I am heavily into instagram and my little family I have created on there, my blog has taken a back seat. Although there is no main reason for this, a lot of things have been going on over the past few months and sometimes, although it can be hard, I have learnt that it is more than okay to put yourself first.
When I was first poorly, almost ten years ago, I was working 7 hours a week and trying to get through my final years of school. I slept pretty much all of the time, I hardly left my bed other than to go to work and school when I could and I didn’t have much of a social life. Fast forward a few years and I am proud to say although I am still working in the same job – I am not ashamed of this at all – I have managed to secure this pretty much full time and recently, work has been what has kept me going. I love my little work family and being surrounded by them, really is a massive part of my recovery. I have a great boss who understands, I have colleagues around me who understand and when I have my high pain and bad days, they’re all super lovely. Don’t get me wrong, I still have days where I struggle, I still have a headache daily and the migraines are still going strong with no solutions but I am certainly managing my pain better. However, working full time is hard. It’s tiring, it’s very full on and it has meant that at the end of the days during the week, all I have wanted to do is have a bubble bath and tuck myself up so I will be honest, that is what I’ve done. My evenings haven’t really consisted of much the past few months other than letting my body relax ready for the next day ahead.
Having previously said, when I was first ill, my social life took a big hit too. The anxiety took over, I didn’t want to leave the house other than for work and school, I didn’t want to see any of my friends or family and I had little interest in doing much else. Over the past few years, this has got so much better and recovery has been the biggest achievement. I still have anxious moments – don’t we all? I still have days where I don’t want to leave my bed at all but I have found my balance. I have found my happy places and I have certainly battled those anxiety monsters. Again, this is tiring. When I have had work all day during the week and again at weekends, when social events come up, I have been putting them before anything else and have pushed myself to go out even when anxiety has been telling me no.
As far as appointments go, I am still waiting to be seen in London but I am waiting patiently for this and I am not giving up. Yes, waits can be frustrating and I feel like I haven’t been seen properly in a long time but I’m holding onto hope and crossing my fingers and toes that the wait will be worth it. Everyone has their time and I believe my time will be soon. In the mean time, whilst waiting for one appointment I have found out that I have extremely low Vitamin D levels and for some reason, my body does not like to absorb this. Since the beginning of the year, I have been on extremely high doses of Vitamin D, alongside regular blood tests to keep an eye on my levels and I will soon be having Vitamin D injections to hopefully kick my fatigue. Having low levels really does drain you. Suffering from fatigue is hard but having low vitamin levels makes things trickier. I never really understood the importance of vitamins but let me tell you, they are so important and if I could give one piece of advice today, please stay on top of your vitamins. They make a huge difference and they certainly keep you going.
Although my evenings after work have been relaxing for a few months, this week I started a new journey with a company who got in contact with me through Instagram. I am enrolled on a programme with HeadHealthCo for the next few months to really get to the bottom of understanding my pain, managing my pain and putting my ‘why’ onto paper. Although I started to blog, I have never been one to journal daily and this is something that has taken a little time for me to get used too, however, I feel it is already benefiting me massively. Seeing my day to day life and routine written down in front of me, is a huge help and I am already starting to see patterns I had not noticed before. I am planning to do a separate blog post on this course in the future and will certainly keep you updated as to how I am getting on. Remember, there is no shame in asking for help. There is no shame in seeking advice from other people and there is no shame in talking and being open about your mental health. I can already tell that enrolling on this course was a great decision and I am excited to see where the course takes me.
All of these things have massively helped me. They have built my confidence, they have shaped me into who I am right now and by saying yes more and pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I am proud of the person writing this blog post today. However, it has meant that my blog has taken a step back and I hope reading this now, you are all okay with that. The support I have had from both my blog and my Instagram has been overwhelming, it really has helped me get to where I am and I am excited to see where my blog takes me in the future. Finding my balance has been hard but I am getting there and my blog is slowly slipping back into that. I have so much that I want to talk about, so much that I want to put out there and share with everyone and I have learnt that all these things just take time. Life is one massive learning curve and I have certainly learnt a lot recently.
Anyway, I hope you are all well, I hope you are having a lovely 2019 and I am looking forward to being more active, interacting more and putting more out there over the next few months.
Remember, everything is easier, one step at a time…
All my love,